Luca Guadagnino’s Call Me By Your Name was a beautiful film in regards to both the visuals and the story, but I’ll get more into that later. The two main topics I chose to delve into were Attachment styles and The Big 5. I felt as if these were the most identifiable topics while watching this film.
What are attachment styles?
Attachment styles develop from an early age due to your relationship with your parental figures as a child. For children, there are Secure and Insecure attachment styles, and there are three different types of insecure attachments: Anxious-ambivalent, Anxious-avoidant, and Disorganized. Your childhood attachment style generally stays with you into adulthood although it is possible to change it.
For adults, the styles are: Secure, Anxious-Preoccupied, Dismissive-Avoidant, and Fearful-Avoidant.
Securely attached people generally can easily form intimate connections, are more open and trusting with their partners. In addition, they have positive views of themselves and their relationships.
People with preoccupied styles form intimate bonds with ease yet are anxious once they form these bonds. They constantly seek reassurance from their partners and friends, are less trusting, have more negative views of the relationship, and are overly clingy.
Dismissive attachment styles have difficulty forming intimate connections because they yearn for independence and therefore avoid forming these connections at times. They feel as if they don’t need to be close with too many people and are self-sufficient, because of this they often suppress their feelings and simply distance themselves from people they have conflict with.
Lastly, people with fearful attachment styles have both difficulty creating intimate connections and difficulty maintaining them for although they wish to be close with their partner, they also get uncomfortable with forming these bonds because they believe they aren’t worthy and therefore have little trust with their partners. Due to these factors, they don’t seek out intimate relationships much and suppress their emotions as well.
Now, regarding the film, what Attachment styles between the two main protagonists were evident? I believe Oliver (the main protagonist’s love interest) had a dismissive attachment style, I picked that up quickly in the beginning of the film. Whereas with Elio (the main protagonist), I was less certain. Initially, I thought that he was either secure or preoccupied. After analyzing his actions along with his strong relationship with his parents, I decided that he was most likely more so Secure than preoccupied.
Oliver appeared to be dismissive for various reasons; for one, although he did somewhat seek out Elio’s attention first (while playing volleyball, he touched Elio “to show that he liked him”) he avoided Elio up until the middle of the film when Elio suddenly showed interest. In addition, Oliver was very independent, even when they eventually did become emotionally involved. I did notice that the physical intimacy was almost always initiated by Oliver yet he was also usually the first one to stop it as well. He enjoyed being intimate with Elio towards the end of the film yet still wasn’t dependent on him and therefore didn’t feel the need to be around him and up under him 24/7. Also, whenever Elio and Oliver had conflict, Oliver wouldn’t necessarily avoid him but he would keep his distance. Elio stated, over the phone, that his parents knew about them to which Oliver responded that Elio was lucky to have such loving and accepting parents and that his father would’ve sent him off to a camp if he had found out. This conversation came about because he was telling Elio and Elio’s parents that he was getting engaged soon, to someone he didn’t really love and most likely didn’t really have a truly intimate bond with. At least not like the one he had with Elio.
This leads me to Elio, and his relatively secure attachment style. At first I was unsure because he was mildly obsessive when it came to Oliver in certain parts of the film. Some evidence supporting the possibility of Elio having a preoccupied attachment style include how Elio would talk in an intellectual and/or witty manner but then, around Oliver, would put himself down directly afterwards. Another example is, in the film they had one of those Jack and Jill type rooms, where the two rooms were connected by a bathroom and a few times throughout the film, Elio would go into Oliver’s room and sniff some of his belongings while holding them up to his chest. Some aspects of his behavior that confused me though, was how he randomly decided to have a fling with a girl he was friends with just because he thought Oliver was having relations with a girl he knew. He engaged in sexual acts with her on so many occasions then deserted her once Oliver reciprocated his love. Aside from that, some other actions of his that I noticed could support him being securely attached were that he initiated emotional intimacy, often exerted expert knowledge over Oliver, and would always attempt to continue physical intimacy if Oliver tried to stop it. In addition, like I mentioned earlier, Elio was very open with his parents. Of course there were a few boundaries in their relationship, but overall he could be honest with them. In conclusion, I’m still somewhat unsure about Elio, but I want to say he is more secure than preoccupied.
The Big 5
The next topic I wanted to explore was The Big 5 personality traits, which consist of Openness, Conscientiousness, Extroversion, Agreeableness, and Neuroticism.
Those who score high in openness are generally creative, open-minded, like challenges, and like abstract concepts. People who score low in openness, dislike change and therefore new experiences, not imaginative and therefore don’t like abstract concepts.
Regarding conscientiousness, people who score high, generally like to plan and prepare, finish tasks quickly, are detail-oriented, and enjoy having a set schedule. Whereas, someone who scores low, dislikes having a set schedule and structure, is disorderly/messy and doesn’t clean up after themselves nor do they put things back after themselves, they procrastinate and therefore fail to complete tasks.
Regarding Extroversion, people who score high in this trait get energized by being around other people, love to be the center of attention, enjoys meeting new people, and speaks without thinking. In the opposite end of the spectrum, people who score low get tired in large groups of people, speak carefully, doesn’t like to be the center of attention, like to be by themselves, and finds it difficult to make new connections.
If someone scores high in agreeableness, they have a high interest in other people, are caring and empathetic, and like to help people. In contrast, someone who scores low doesn’t like to help people, somewhat lacks empathy, has little to no interest in other people, insults and belittles others, and is manipulative as well.
Lastly, Neuroticism is a less well known concept, it is a trait characterized by emotional instability. If a person scores high in Neuroticism, they are constantly stressed, are often worried, get upset easily, are often anxious, and struggle to recover from stressful situations. If someone scores low, they are emotionally stable, don’t worry or stress much, manage stress well, and isn’t often depressed or sad.
Within the film I could evidently see which traits each of the main protagonists scored high or low in. Regarding
Oliver, I believe that he was high in openness, I think he’s in the middle of the spectrum for conscientiousness, high in extroversion, in the middle of the spectrum for agreeableness, and low in neuroticism.
Eilo, I believe, was also high in openness, also middle of the spectrum for conscientiousness, middle of the spectrum for extroversion, somewhat low in agreeableness (at least with that girl he used), and middle of the spectrum neuroticism.
My reasoning for this is as follows, Oliver was very outgoing and although sometimes he didn’t seem like he cared much about other people, he really did care about other people’s perspectives of him and was therefore well liked by nearly everyone. In addition, he would go off to the woods by himself in the middle of the night to think and often would not attend family dinners, yet he enjoyed being in large groups of people. Although Oliver was somewhat impulsive, he generally always thought out what he was saying and lacked major mood swings.
Regarding Elio, He seemed to only be extroverted when he wanted to be, otherwise he would just sit alone and read a book. He seemed to somewhat care about other people along with their thoughts and actions, but the way he treated the girl he had sexual intercourse with shows that he’s not very high in conscientiousness or agreeableness. In addition, he was significantly more impulsive than Oliver, for he was the one who initiated emotional intimacy and continuation of physical intimacy.
For example, how the topic of their love for each other was brought up went like this: Oliver got a pack of cigarettes, got one out and handed one to Elio and they walk up to a statue, Oliver asks the history of it and Elio tells him everything about it. To which Oliver responds:
“Is there anything you don’t know?”
Elio: “If only you knew how little I know about the things that matter,”
Oliver: “What things?”
Elio: “You know what things.”
Oliver: “Why are you telling me this?”
Elio: “Because I thought you should know...because I wanted you to know...because ………there’s no one else I could tell this to.”
Oliver: “Are you saying what I think you’re saying?”
As you can see, he was very straightforward yet still speaking in coded language due to their situation (it is assumed that openly gay relationships were somewhat frowned upon in Italy during the 80’s). This action is moderately impulsive and very extroverted. He gave it some thought, but not much.
How did I feel about the film as a whole?
Aside from how much I enjoy analyzing the main characters from a psychological perspective, it was visually stunning and I see why it received all of the praise and critical acclaim that it did. The cinematography within the film was stunning. I’m sure it didn’t hurt that it took place along the Italian countryside, but aside from the beautiful scenery, the color palette and character design was nice as well. Sometimes the dialogue was a little cheesy or the acting seemed a bit off, that was a very rare occurrence. Overall, the majority of the acting was amazing and the characters were convincing. My one critique I have, aside from the very rare occurrence of poor acting, was that Elio and Oliver’s relationship seem to emerge almost out of nowhere.
Maybe when I watch it a second time, I’ll see more signs regarding the development of the relationship. What I saw was, Elio acting weird towards Oliver because he secretly liked him but didn’t want to admit it and Oliver acting completely oblivious to that fact. Then all of a sudden they go off together and start kissing and groping each other.
I was only moderately surprised; maybe if I had no idea that it was a love story, I would’ve been more shocked, but that was not the case.
Again, that was my only real critique and from an objective film standpoint, the film is nearly a masterpiece. There were so many great things about this film that in order to talk about all of them, it would be a whole new paper in of itself. Therefore, I can only speak on the few flaws the film had.
